A New Year often means a #newme #newgoals #newlife aspirations. Psychologically speaking, setting new objectives at the start of the year is smart. Studies have shown that those who start a change on a meaningful date like the start of a new week, month or a year are more successful in achieving their goals, as the date provides an opportunity for a 'fresh start' in our minds and helps to motivate us. So why is it when so many of us set new goals at the start of the new year do we often end up losing momentum and running out of puff (often around February and March) and fail to make a sustainable change? Keep reading to find out.
Goal setting fail #1 - We try to do too much
When a New Year starts we often feel a desire (or pressure) to make big changes. We want this year to be different, so we often set our sights high and focus on a lot of change. We want it to be the best year, so we focus on everything which is not working for us (our brains are hard wired to focus on the negative, so this is normal) and we find ways to do things differently, radically differently. But when we set multiple goals, we set ourselves up to fail. Ultimately these goals will come into conflict for your limited time and energy and you will need to choose. When we choose one goal over another, we then feel like we have failed and demotivation sets in and we derail ourselves. On top of this, studies have shown, time and again, that multi-tasking is a myth. Our brains are hard wired to focus on one thing at a time (this is why we get tunnel vision). By choosing one goal or one habit at a time, we can focus on setting a smaller bar for success, achieving that goal - embedding the habit and moving onto the next one, once the habit is embedded.
Fix - Use visualisation to choose one goal at a time
First right out all your goals and wishes for the year. Then find a quiet place and close or relax your eyes and allow yourself to go into a relaxed state, breathing slowly and deeply. Take note of how your body feels at this time. Now think of your first goal, pick it up and look at it with curiosity. How do you feel when you see this goal, make note of these feelings and sensations in your body. Visualise yourself achieving it and then note the changes again. Visualise yourself putting the goal back down, and breathe slowly to return to a state of calm. Then pick up the next goal and repeat the exercise. This time note the difference in how you feel between goal number one and goal number two. Now keep doing this process through all your goals. At the very end, when you return to your state of calm and come back to the moment. When you are back in the present, open your eyes - which goal did you feel most excited and empowered by, this is now your first and sole focus.
Goal setting fail #2 - We aim too high
I love the book Atomic Habits by James Clear - it is a total game changer. You can check out his stuff here https://jamesclear.com/ in a nutshell, he speaks about how habits are formed successfully by focusing on small changes and embedding the behaviour, before focusing on the quality or intensity. If your goal is physical fitness for example and you decide you want to practice yoga. Start thinking of yourself as a "Yogi" using positive visualisation and create this identity for yourself then aim for a couple of minutes a day, where you do nothing more than roll out the yoga matt. Then do 1 stretch, then 2 then gradually work your way up. We fail when we set our expectations too high and aim for intensity when we have not yet mastered the frequency of a behaviour. We then "fail" or stumble, get demotivated and become derailed.
Fix - Aim for progress, not perfection and build on your strengths
Once you have set that identity, e.g. a Yogi, look at all the fantastic habits that you already have that are aligned to that goal, it could be your nutrition, meditation practice, or that class you do once a week. In your plan focus on keeping these things going. It is about building on these strengths. Now think of one small habit or change that you can make which will take you closer to this goal. Set a really small goal in relation to that area. Such as a few minutes a day and review it at the end of the week. Focus on nailing it and then build from there. The confidence boost will help to keep you motivated and by looking a week ahead and one small change, you can keep those feelings of overwhelm at bay.
Goal Setting Fail #3 - Using SMART goals setting
SMART goal setting has been drummed into us from a young age focusing on goals which are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time Bound. It is fine as a planning tool but it does little to really help us to achieve our goals. Why is that? Well it fails completely to address motivation and, as human beings, if we are not motivated to make a change or complete a task, guess what we won't. Think of your kids and when you ask them to do something, how powerful is it when they are motivated in the to do something - like chalk and cheese. Initially when we set goals, the goal itself can be motivating, however when you are faced with temptation in a month, two months or six months time - the goal itself is not enough. Visualisation allows us to trick our brains into thinking we have achieved the goal already, making the change less scary and building intrinsic motivation.
Fix - Use visualisation to boost motivation
Our senses and memory are really strongly linked - this is why we can get vivid flashbacks with certain sounds, smells, tastes and touches. When we spend time visualising something, focusing on our senses, we can almost trick our brains into believing we have achieved something. This helps us to believe that our goals are achievable and it helps to reduce fear and boost motivation. So take a quiet moment to sit down and close your eyes, visualise that when you go to sleep tonight your wish is granted and when you wake in the morning, you have achieved your goal. Look around, how would you know that something had changed? what does this future look like? Who is there with you? What are you doing? What do you see? Hear? Touch? Taste? Really spend some time here, soaking up this success and the moment. When you are ready return to the present and make note of it all. You can turn this into a vision board or write a letter to yourself (with this week's free tool, out Thursday). Keep it somewhere safe as a reminder and find ways to embed parts of this visualisation into your routine to remind yourself of where you are going.
By doing these things, you will set yourself up for success in achieving your goals this year. Next week, we will dive into the difference between positive and negative motivations, and building on motivation to build lasting behavioural change. If you want some additional support in achieving your goals. Mumshine is open for business after the Christmas break with availability to help you work on your goals one on one using proven life coaching and counselling techniques to supercharge your progress.
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