Not all motivation is created equal

One of the most common misunderstandings when we set goals is that all motivation is the same and equally beneficial. As long as I am motivated, it doesn't matter how, right? Well, actually it does - big time. Studies have shown that while avoidance of pain is great for driving short term action (such as buying something, this is why marketing companies love this technique) it is terrible for motivating long term behavioural change and the creation of new habits. Keep reading to find out more and how you can retrain your brain to set yourself up for success in achieving your goals.

What is negative motivation and how do I use it?

Negative motivation comes from a place of avoidance or fear. It is linked to survival behaviours and we as humans are predisposed to avoiding pain or discomfort (pretty much at all costs). It is the voice in your head that makes you leap up off the couch if you find yourself joined by a creepy crawly critter or not to touch a hot pot on the stove, to avoid being burned. However, we don't just fear physical pain or threats to life - we also want to avoid the pain of rejection (real or perceived), social isolation, loss of financial security, homelessness and the list goes on. As this is heavily linked to a survival instinct (fight or flight), it means that it is really powerful in driving short term action - to avoid the pain.

This short term focus and fear response is why marketing people love it. They need to motivate you just long enough for you to buy or sign-up to a product or service. Here are some examples you might have seen as a busy mum:

• Your child is missing out on learning opportunities - buy this "educational" toy

• Stop being exhausted - buy this thing to help your child sleep better

• Get your pre-body baby back - buy this exercise program/membership

• Feel less stressed - buy this organisational planner

You are worried about the thing, so you buy the object - you might even be motivated to use it at first, but what happens the first time we experience the discomfort, or we don't get instant relief? Are we motivated to persist? No... Do we often then see this as a failure and internalise or externalise a sense of blame (I must be doing it wrong or the product is faulty)? Yes. Are we actively discouraged from the process of learning (which includes failure)? Yes....

If you are one of the rare people that does persist and achieves the goal in the short term, well done - but I am sorry, the bad news does not stop there! Whilst you have achieved immediate success and avoided the pain, what you have done is trained your brain to associate the reward with avoidance (and often extreme behaviours). Let's look at an example in real life with finances. You rack up some debt and you get a letter saying collections action will commence in a month, unless you clear it. You decide to stop spending, almost entirely, you put all your savings towards the debt and you clear it off. Whew, what a rush. Your brain has now associated that extreme saving pattern with reward and achievement. So once the crisis has passed, you will find your spending habits revert back - why? Because your brain is working subconsciously to re-engineer that same circumstance, so you can get yourself out of it in the same way again. Why? because your brain has now associated this behaviour with the rush and reward of achievement. You don't get the same rush from proactive saving, because the crisis is not there. So without being aware of it, you will subconsciously recreate the crisis. This happens time and again whether it be fitness, weight loss, family, career, finances, relationships, hobbies. It drives an all or nothing mindset and short term change, because this motivation only works when there is a crisis or pain. When the pain goes away, what happens to the motivation? It is gone.

If you need short action and results, lean into this one - but if you are trying to make sustained change, steer clear of "away from" or pain based language and lean to the positive instead.

What is positive motivation and how do I use it?

Positive motivation is powerful in creating long lasting and sustained behavioural change. It uses attainment of pleasure or "towards" language as the motivator and it is really powerful. Unlike negative motivation which requires pain or a crisis to avoid, we can employ positive motivation at any time and unlike negative motivation, it reinforces positive changes and growth. Instead of a short, sharp burst of motivation, it is more subtle, and sustained for longer. Let's break that down.

Positive motivation does not come from a place of fight or flight, it is not a reaction to a threat, so it comes from a different place psychologically and neurochemically. It is about betterment and moving towards things so is designed for long term behavioural change. There are two big differences that drive this

1. Slow growth - positive motivation starts out small and builds over time versus negative motivation starts big and then fades. As positive motivation grows with success and realisation of benefits of the change which builds momentum over time. You won't have a sense of urgency, like you do with negative motivation which means that you will be less likely to make drastic or big changes. This means it can be slower to start, however the pace by which you make changes is more sustainable.

2. Positive reinforcement - By focusing on a 'towards' state, where you are looking to gain something, your brain will automatically look for evidence of that positive change and as you achieve some of the benefits of the change, it will be reinforcing of the changes you are making. If you experience a set back, it is less damaging as you are not making the change to avoid pain, you are doing it to gain something and chances are you will be somewhat progressed towards that goal when setbacks inevitably happen. This makes the change in behaviour more resilient and the more progress you make, the more the motivation grows.

So if we take these 2 factors and apply them to the same financial saving situation before. Say for example you and your child both really love to bake and you decide to save to take your child on their first ever holiday to France where you can eat delicious pastries and go to a French pastry school together for some classes, that sounds pretty exciting. This will create an amazing experience and memories for you both, no pain in sight. Chances are you won't cease spending on other things in the same exact way but you will start putting some money aside. You might have milestones and have enough to book the flights, then the accommodation, then the cooking classes. As you achieve these goals, you will be encouraged to save more to put towards additional activities or spending money (maybe a day trip to Disneyland). When you have a week when you can save less (or none at all) no big deal as you have already saved X amount or booked flights - you will have more success to fall back on and keep you going. And what about after the holiday, well your brain has learned to associate the habit of saving with a reward, so you will be more likely to set another goal and sustain that behaviour in a sustainable and positive way. Super powerful stuff.

The saying it is a marathon, not a sprint is what sums up positive motivation and how it can work for you. If you want life changing, sustained habits - positivity is what you need.

Beware of hidden negativity

Negative thinking is a bias that exists within our brains as an evolutionary instinct, so a word of caution is that negative motivation can often masquerade as positive motivation. It is important to test your motivations to make sure that they are truly positive beyond the superficial level. If hidden negative motivation is found, this needs to be reframed into the positive, otherwise it will come to the surface and can derail progress. Let me use the same example to illustrate. If your motivation to save money for the dream holiday with your child to create memories and learn, great. However, is there something hidden beneath? Are you wanting to create these memories to be a better parent or because you want to reduce feelings of guilt about being a working parent, this could be a silent de-railer. Why? Because the first time you experience that pain or sense of discomfort (like you are a bad parent) you will be more likely to say 'why bother' and throw in the towel. So you need to look deep and explore this motivation and adjust it as needed, so there is nothing but positives, right to the root.

This weeks free tool (out Thursday) steps you through using a technique called '5 whys' to explore and test your motivations so they can be reframed into positives. As always if you need some help with your goals, you can reach out at anytime to book a one on one appointment to kick start your momentum.